I want one
by zerowhitelilies
Summary: Raito wants something. L can speak cat. He is also giving people percentages for how gay they are. Roger is emo. Yagami-san goes on a rant. An old friend returns. You should probably read "Because of a Spider"
1. Chapter 1

**I just got this random idea. What if Raito wanted a cat? Why am I calling him Raito?**

"Ryuzaki! Why not?" Raito begged. He really wanted something from Ryuzaki.

"Raito-kun, I will not get you a cat."

"Why not?"

"Although small, there is a chance that the cat may be a spy. About 0.009 percent."

"Why cant my percentage be that low?"

"Because. And if I get you a cat, you are going to plot with it. Against me."

"NO! What do you have against cat?"

Ryuzaki thought. In his thoughts, you could only find the pictures of a fat, screeching cat, known only as Mr. Squiggles.  
"A bad experience in the past," answered Ryuzaki.

"What kind of experience?" exclaimed Raito.

"Would you like to find out first hand?"

"Errmmmm..Is that such a goo-"

"Watari! I need you to call Mello or Roger!"

"Mello? What kind of idiot goes by a name like Mello?"

"Your worst nightmare, Raito-kun."

"Should I ask?"

"No"

***  
"Mello, L needs your assistance."

"REALLY? Roger, you had better be serious! 'Cause if you ain't, I'm gonna take your foot and shove it up your sorry a-"

"MELLO. I am completely serious. Here talk to L." Roger turned around in his chair and a screen with L came on.

"Hello, Mello."

"HI L!"

"I need you to track down a cat for me."

"Um...Ok...what does the cat look like?"

"One of a kind. There is a 79.5986 percent chance that it weighs over 50 pounds. It has a rather high pitched meow. It also goes by the name of Mr. Squiggles.

"You want THAT cat?"

"Yes I do. What is wrong with that?"

"First, it almost gave Matt rabies. Last, but most likely least, it mauled Roger's face and ate his stupid pizza clock, and he whined for about a week."

"Mello, show respect to your elders."

"SURE THING, L!"

"MMRRRROOOOWWWWWW!"

"Hello, Mr. Squiggles. You are coming to Japan to visit a friend of mine."

"Mrow?"

"Don't worry, Mr. Squiggles, he wont call you fat."

"Meow?"

"Yes, it's a he."

"Mrow Mrow Mrow?"

"Mr. Squiggles, there is only a 49.99 percent chance that I am homosexual. Thank you for your concern. Mello, on the other hand,  
judging by your clothes and perfect hair, there is a 79.99 percent chance that you are homosexual. And Roger there is a-"

"Enough L..."

"Right. Well, have that cat brought to Japan. Have a goodday."

**Yes, L was giving everyone percentages for that. That's OOC...lol.**


	2. Chapter 2

**This might be kinda OOC. I' am not sure. I forgot to put up a disclaimer again. I do not own Death Note. But i guess I own Mr. Squiggles...**

"This is the cat I was talking about Raito-kun."

Raito stared at the cat. It was huge. Like easily over 50 pounds. L wasnt kidding. Now he just needed to hear it meow.  
"Wow. Thats a f-"

He saw L shaking his head "no" at him. So, the cat doesnt want to be called fat...ok he can handle that.

"-Fffuzzy cat."

"Mew"

So it had a squeaky meow like L had said.

"Let me pet you Mr. Squiggles..."

"Raito, no! That meow means that he is an-"

"YYYYYYYYYYEEEEEOOOUUUUCCCHHHH!"

L POV

Raito-kun has blood running all over his face. I hope this teaches him a lesson. And i can't wait to tell him why it took such a short time for him to get scratched...  
***

Raito was getting shots and stiches.

"Why did it scratch me so early on, Ryuzaki?

"Well, the cat,Mr. Squiggles, is a homophobe."

"So your saying this cat attacked me because I'm gay?"

"Yes. Judging from your obsession with your appearance,how you treat your girlfriend, an your last name backwards, I can conclude that Raito-kun is homosexual."

"I will ship the cat back to Wammy's."

"That cat has issues," said Yagami-san.

"Yes he does. I wonder why Roger keeps him."

Meanwhile...

"MR. SQUIGGLES...how I miss you so much. You are the only company I have with all of the children being ass-faces constantly,  
except for Matt, but Matt hangs out with that ass-face Mello constantly! And Watari rejected me after I found you! My life is screwed up!"

"My face hurts, Ryuzaki!"

"What do you expect me to do about it?"

"Kiss it"

"I believe that is your father's job, Raito-kun."

"But I want you to kiss my face."  
"Misa-san, Raito-kun needs a kiss, and I think that you are the perfect person for the job." L said through the microphone.

Before Raito could yell at L, Misa burst through the doors.

"RRAAIITTOOO!" Misa kissed Raito so many times that his facewas turned bright pink.  
"BYE BYE!"

"Why would Raito-Kun want me to kiss him"

"I'm a gay, remember?"

"Raito,I do not want to hear that from you ever again! That is making fun of our family name and I just cannot stand that because it is just absolutely terrible, especially comeing from my own son, who isnt gay! yelled Yagami-san.

Raito did not hear because he was too busy kissing L.

L pulled away saying,"My percentage of being homosexual is now at 99.9999999 percent."

Yagami-san fainted

**Why is L judging everyone? I dont know...Yagami-san goes on a rant..yay!**


End file.
